I am frankly flabbergasted that contraception has become a serious issue of conversation lately. I am also baffled that it is being referred to as a moral issue. Theological? Sure. But moral? Really?
Rick Santorum put it this way,
"One of the things I will talk about that no president has talked
about before is I think the dangers of contraception in this country,
the whole sexual libertine idea. Many in the Christian faith have said,
“Well, that’s okay. Contraception’s okay.”
It’s not okay because it’s a license to do things in the
sexual realm that is counter to how things are supposed to be. They’re
supposed to be within marriage, they are supposed to be for purposes
that are, yes, conjugal, but also unitive, but also procreative. That’s
the perfect way that a sexual union should happen. We take any part of
that out, we diminish the act. And if you can take one part out that’s
not for purposes of procreation, that’s not one of the reasons, then you
diminish this very special bond between men and women, so why can’t you
take other parts of that out? And all of a sudden, it becomes
deconstructed to the point where it’s simply pleasure. And that’s
certainly a part of it—and it’s an important part of it, don’t get me
wrong—but there’s a lot of things we do for pleasure, and this is
special, and it needs to be seen as special."
The idea that having a sexual encounter without the intention or likelihood of conception is to moraly diminish the act is wrong. The ethics of making babies are different from the ethics
of making whoopie. They may involve the
same mechanics, but morally, they are completely different acts. Baby-making is a goal directed activity where
any pleasure that might be created is secondary. The object is insemination. Especially in the case of couples who need to
try repeatedly to conceive, the act loses the glow we usually attribute to it. Far from easing tension, it may cause great
anxiety. The playfulness and intimacy
are replaced by a basal thermometer working like a job-site foreman telling you
to get to work.
The process of baby-making reduces the partners to their
most basic animal selves. At that time,
you are little different from farm animals out to stud. Aristotle and John Stuart Mill are among the
philosophers who saw actions that reduce humans to animals to be ethically
degrading, to be morally below humans and it seems that this purely biological function would have to be included
in that category.
But, of course, that is not necessarily the case. The act is one where you are thinking beyond
yourselves. It can be truly an act of the
deepest care. A philosopher colleague of
mine once said to me that there is nothing that affirms life like creating
it. To willingly seek the responsibility
of bringing a life into the world with the intention of creating a loving space
in which to nurture a human being is selfless and wonderful.
This is not to say that one cannot act selfishly in
trying to conceive. Thinking that it will
repair a broken relationship is a bad, bad idea. The person who thinks that
having a baby will make him or her seem more grown up or is simply looking for
a tax deduction is mitigating the moral goodness and most likely will be a
lousy parent.
There are also utilitarian considerations. There are better and worse times to get
pregnant. There are better and worse
situations in which to bring a child.
These considerations are certainly part of the story. It does not mean at all that people who do
not live lives of privilege should not reproduce, but only that in one's full
consideration about having children, the place in the world that the child will
occupy is one morally relevant factor.
Just as every reason for baby making isn't a good one, so
too there are good reasons for not making babies. Having children is not a moral
imperative. People who choose to remain
childless are not necessarily acting in ways that are immoral for their
selfishness. Choosing to not have
children because you think that you would not be able to meet the very high
moral expectations of parenthood is a noble choice, not a selfish one – even if
you have to put up with years and years of your mother bemoaning her lack of
grandchildren. Autonomy means being able
to choose your projects. For some people
that includes a contribution to the next generation, but that is not the only
way one can help to make the world a better place. If one is in a position to be able to do it
well, parenthood is a morally wonderful act.
It is an act unlike any other that affirms life. But it is not morally necessary.
Just as making babies is morally distinct from making
whoopee, there are also several morally distinct cases of non-baby-making
sexual activity. To lump all of them
together as selfish acts of the most base sort of pleasure seeking is to paint
with far too broad a brush. We'll
consider several different cases.
How do our moral systems respond to sexual activities
with a committed partner about whom you care deeply? Let’s look at our boxes. Certainly no one has a right to demand
intimacy, nor does one have a duty to provide it. And everyone certainly has the right to
bodily autonomy that would allow one to say no if intimacy is undesired. But to address this issue solely in terms of
rights and duties is simply an inappropriate framework to capture the full
human depth of this issue.
Utility is clearly an issue. On the one hand, if executed by technically
proficient practitioners, sexual activities should produce ecstatic pleasure
for both partners. The comfort, the
closeness, the anticipation, the arousal, the climax – all contribute to
tipping the universal balance in the direction of pleasure. If we are seeking to create a world with the
best balance of pleasure over pain, this would certainly be one way to bring
about more pleasure.
But there are, of course, questions about long-term
utility as well. If done without
protection, the results could be catastrophic.
Unwanted pregnancies are a big deal.
Sexually transmitted diseases are a big deal. Waking up the next morning and thinking,
"Where am I? Is that who I think it is?
Oh my God...." is a big deal.
All of these negative factors can swamp the positive utility derived
from the act. So utility is certainly
part of the conversation, but again, this does not seem like the complete
framework for our consideration. We
don’t make love based on a cost/benefit analysis – at least not legally.
Care certainly is a major factor. When you make love to your partner, the act
itself, especially if both are being attentive to the needs, preferences, and
desires of the other, makes the experience one which deepens the relationship
between you. The playfulness, the
passion, the deeply personal contact gives lovers a connection, a bond that is
very special, not only in terms of emotional attachment, but also in ethical
terms. Being someone’s lover, especially
an exclusive lover, places deeply personal parts of yourself into the life of
the other. We are sexual beings. All people have that element to them,
although for each it is expressed differently.
That expression is part of who you are, and by looking to someone to accept
and embrace that part of you is to endow him/her with a very special role. To be a lover is to embed yourself deeply in
the self of your beloved. It is a deep
form of care.
In addition to care, virtue also is relevant. It is unfortunate, however, that the word
“virtue” gets used in a loaded fashion in a sexual context. Particularly applied to women, the term
“virtue” historically has been linked to chastity. This usage begs exactly the question we are
considering. Is chastity really a
virtue? Here, Aristotle seems to provide
some guidance. Certainly self-control is
virtuous. One who acts out of
uncontrollable lust is certainly not actualizing their potential as an ideal
human because such actions would lead to a character which sees the bodies of
other people as things, mere objects for his or her use.
But is an ideal human one who is rigidly abstinent? What is the effect on one’s character by
completely rejecting a natural avenue of joy?
Turning away from the possibility of enjoying the pleasures of life,
leads one to not even see the beauty, the possibilities for joy in front of
one’s own eyes or to see them through a lens in which they become distorted
into sources of fear, resentment, and/or alienation. The world and what is in it ceases to be
presented as something appreciable, and this leads one to not even consider the
possibility of the bliss that may be derived from it. Aristotle says that the life spent seeking
pleasure is a life for cattle, but a life where avenues of pleasure are shut
off is also one sadly impoverished, one that fails to realize what a full, rich
human existence can be.
The choice between the two extremes is a case of false
alternatives. Aristotle’s notion of
virtue as the mean between vices here seems appropriate. Is there a middle path – one in which certain
sorts of bodily indulgence help form a good human character when combined with
other virtues of gentleness, generosity, and a sense of rhythm? Of course, there is. This is why we often feel awkward looking for
that right time to begin intimacy with someone we realize we have real feelings
for. Intuitively, we have the sense that
there is a mean to be sought here: to
jump in the sack too soon would be to surrender to mere lust and cheapen what
should be deep, but at the same time, we need not wait too long if the care is
genuine because there is virtue in being authentically intimate with the object
of our care. And if the object of our
care is also the object of our desire, moving a bit to the lust side of the
equation ain’t the worst thing either…at least not the first five or six
times. After that, even Aristotle would
say to get some sleep.
So the real key here is care, consideration of the lover,
and a full appreciation for the joy that a lover can bring to one’s life. To
either unnecessarily constrain this connection with an artificial prohibition
on certain sorts of contact or to treat the lover as a mere object to be used
to satisfy one’s own urges is morally problematic, but one can certainly engage
in all sorts of sexual activities without running afoul of such concerns. Good
lovers are being good humans even if they are doing what they will to avoid creating other humans in the act.