Saturday, July 15, 2006

Comedism in Congress

If you are new to the playground, weekends are time for the week's Comedist sermon. If you are unfamiliar with the new religion Comedism, here is an introduction to Comedism, ; passages from The Comedist Manifesto, our holy book; Comedist support for evolution and gay marriage; how Comedism was founded; and a note on the fundamentalist War on Comedy.

This week's funny Samaritan (a real stand up kind of guy) is Illinios Representative Rahm Emanuel who responded on the floor of the House to the President's appointment of a new position on the White House staff whose title is "Director of Lessons Learned" with this:

Mr. Speaker, yesterday the President said we continue to be wise about how we spend the people's money. Then why are we paying over $100,000 for a 'White House Director of Lessons Learned'? Maybe I can save the taxpayers $100,000 by running through a few of the lessons this White House should have learned by now.

Lesson 1: When the Army Chief of Staff and the Secretary of State say you are going to war without enough troops, you're going to war without enough troops.

Lesson 2: When 8.8 billion dollars of reconstruction funding disappears from Iraq, and 2 billion dollars disappears from Katrina relief, it's time to demand a little accountability.

Lesson 3: When you've 'turned the corner' in Iraq more times than Danica Patrick at the Indy 500, it means you are going in circles.

Lesson 4: When the national weather service tells you a category 5 hurricane is heading for New Orleans, a category 5 hurricane is heading to New Orleans.

I would also ask the President why we're paying for two 'Ethics Advisors' and a 'Director of Fact Checking.'"They must be the only people in Washington who get more vacation time than the President. Maybe the White House could consolidate these positions into a Director of Irony.

"Director of Irony," there's a job a could apply for. Now if we only had an Undersecretary for Sarcasm. Yeah, right.

UPDATE: For those who don't believe that irony is a guiding force of the universe, check this out. Apparently Pete Coors, beer mogul and former Republican Senate candidate has had his license revoked for DUI. Saint Shecky be praised.