Friday, October 05, 2007

Passing the Plate: Freud Edition

Brothers, Sisters, and Transgendered Comedists Everywhere,

Comedism, like all other religions, requires donations to keep itself going. But where other churches ask for monetary donations, Comedist congregations request that you tithe jokes. The higher the quality the better.

Last week we missed the anniversary of Sigmund Freud's death, so the donations should be Freud or psychiatrist jokes of any shape.

My favorite Freud line comes from an old episode of Cheers where Coach asks Cliff Clavin what a Freudian slip is. His response, "It's where you mean to say one thing and end up saying a mother."

The Freud joke that I'm most proud of having written -- Why did Freud think the chicken crossed the road? It was envious of the cock.

As for shrink jokes, a couple of classic.

A guy walks into a podiatrist and says, "Doc, I think I'm a moth." The podiatrist looks up and says, "Excuse me?" Again he says, "I think I'm a moth." The podiatrist says, "It sounds like a mental problem. You need a psychiatrist. I'm a podiatrist." The man agrees. "So why did you come here, then?" the podiatrist asks. The man replies, "Your light was on."

For years, I thought I was a dog. I went to a psychiatrist, but it didn't help. He wouldn't let me up the couch.
A couple from Rodney,
I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.
So, my dear fellow Comedists, your favorites?