Brothers, Sisters, and Transgendered Comedists Everywhere,
Last weekend we wished happy holidays to all those non-Comedists celebrating the traditional holy days of their various faiths, and members of the Greek and Armenian Orthodox Churches responded by sending us a great big Festivus present:
Priests brawl at Jesus' birthplace'Tis the season, indeed. Forget "deck the halls," deck the Armenians. Four right jabs, three left hooks, two upper-cuts and a hard kick right where you pee.
BETHLEHEM, West Bank (AP) -- Greek Orthodox and Armenian priests attacked each other with brooms and stones inside the Church of the Nativity as long-standing rivalries erupted in violence during holiday cleaning on Thursday.
The basilica, built over the grotto in Bethlehem where Christians believe Jesus was born, is administered jointly by Roman Catholic, Greek Orthodox and Armenian Apostolic authorities.
Any perceived encroachment on one group's turf can touch off vicious feuds.
On Thursday, dozens of priests and cleaners were scrubbing the church ahead of the Armenian and Orthodox Christmas, celebrated in early January. Thousands of tourists visited the church this week for Christmas celebrations.
But the clean-up turned ugly after some of the Orthodox faithful stepped inside the Armenian church's section, touching off a scuffle between about 50 Greek Orthodox and 30 Armenians.
Palestinian police, armed with batons and shields, quickly formed a human cordon to separate the two sides so the cleaning could continue, then ordered an Associated Press photographer out of the church.
Four people, some with blood running from their faces, were slightly wounded.
I suppose that is one thing that Comedism is missing, being such a young religion, we don't have sectarian hatred, yet. Muslims have the Sunni/Shi'a separation, Jews come in shades from Reformed to Conservative to Reconstructionist to Orthodox to Ultra-Orthodox, the Christians have fault lines to a fault with their Catholic/Protestant/Orthodox/Mormon divisions and then the sub-divisions within the divisions, but what about us? To be a real religion, it seems, we need silly, pointless, hate-filled blood feuds to divide ourselves, too.
So how do we draw the battle lines? What should make Comedist groups shout yo mama jokes at each other? Should we have a Grouchoist, Harpoist, and Chicoist schism? A Chris Rock/Dave Chapelle split? Help me out, my dear friends. I mean, if we can't all come together on a decision about what we should use to tear us apart, how are we going to get any respect as a legitimate religion here folks? Suggestions?
Live, love, and laugh,