Yogi-isms

My Fellow Comedists,

Today is the beginning of little league season. I'm managing my son's team, so all thoughts are turned towards baseball. When you think baseball and funny, nothing comes to mind quicker than Yogi Berra. Master of the unintended quip, it's all summed up by the famous radio blooper:

"Yankees catcher Yogi Berra was hit on the head with a foul ball. He was rushed to hospital where x-rays were taken of his head, but the x-rays showed nothing."

Here are a few of those lines attributed to Yogi:

A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore.

Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.

Baseball is ninety percent mental and the other half is physical.

Even Napoleon had his Watergate.

Half the lies they tell about me aren't true.

He hits from both sides of the plate. He's amphibious.

I always thought that record would stand until it was broken.

I wish I had an answer to that because I'm tired of answering that question.

If the world was perfect, it wouldn't be.

If you come to a fork in the road, take it.

In theory there is no difference between theory and practice. In practice there is.

It ain't over till it's over.

It was impossible to get a conversation going, everybody was talking too much.

It's like deja-vu, all over again.

Nobody goes there anymore. It's too crowded.

The future ain't what it used to be.

There are some people who, if they don't already know, you can't tell 'em.

We have deep depth.

You can observe a lot by just watching.

You wouldn't have won if we'd beaten you.

And of course: I never said most of the things I said.

Happy spring everybody.

Live, love, and play ball,

Irreverend Steve