John McCain Is So Old...

Working on some new material:

John McCain is so old that if he gets elected, instead of a Secretary of State, he'll have a Secretary of Prostate. You can always tell the Secretary of Prostate, he's the one who checks into the White House through the back door.

If John McCain becomes President, the DoD will go from the Department of Defense to the Department of Depends. Our Intercontinental Ballistic Missiles will become Incontinent Ballistic Missiles...two or three times a night they leak fuel.

Under a McCain administration, the FEC will no longer be the Federal Elections Commission, but rather the Federal Erections Commission. It will be chaired by Bob Dole and adopt the new slogan, "It ain't just the chads that are hanging anymore."

Every Rose Garden bill signing ceremony would end not with a press conference but with "Get off my lawn!"