Saturday, May 24, 2008

Passing the Plate: Sam Snead, 19th Hole Edition

Brothers, Sisters, and Transgendered Comedists Everywhere,

It is that time again when we pass the plate and ask for donations. Other religions ask for money, but in Comedism we tithe jokes. So, for the good of the congregation and the community at large, please dig deep and be generous.

This week sees the anniversaries of both the birth and death of the great Sam Snead, the legendary golfer. It's a game I do not play. My father tried to introduce me to it years ago, but I quickly realized that I could get the same effect while saving the greens fees by simply taking a long walk and yelling obscenities. So to honor the memory of Sam Snead, please give us your best golf jokes.

Here are my offerings:

A couple was having breakfast when the wife asks, "If I were to die, would you remarry?" The husband looks up from his paper, shrugs his shoulders and says, "I don't know. I guess so." A few minutes later the wife asks, "Would you live with her in the house?" Looking up again, the husband responds, "Um, yeah, I suppose." The wife asks, "Would you sleep in our bed?" The husband answers, "Yes, I guess I would." "Would you let her use my golf clubs?" she inquired. "No," he says shaking his head, "she's left handed."

Tom and Bill are playing a tough par five when Tom's drive hits a tree and ricochets hard to the side. As they look for the ball, they notice that it hit a golfer from the next hole on the head, killing him. Staring in horror at the body, Tom asks, "What should we do with him?" Bill responds, "I'd leave him there. As an immovable obstruction, you get a two club-length drop."

Your favorites?

Live, love, and laugh,

Irreverend Steve