It's Not True, But It Should Be

Here's an idea for a new one. Let's see how it goes and maybe we'll make it a regular. The idea is to come up with stories that are not true, but ought to be. My contributions:

Pediatric gastrointerologists at Johns Hopkins have discovered that many children have a fibrous growth that bifurcates their stomachs. The temporary division causes them to actually have one part of their digestive system that fills up with dinner, but the other remains empty until dessert. This separation strangely and suddenly disappears around the time when one begins to enjoy the taste of broccoli and asparagus.

Archaeologists looking for Etruscan ruins have come across classical texts that may rewrite the history of Roman philosophy. Evidence has been found of Marcus Notrelius, an ancient skeptic whose work was so successful that not even his own students believed he existed.

People who talk annoying loud on their cell phones in public have more than glares to be worried about. The means of amplification in the phone increases the damage to the eardrum causing an increased likelihood of premature hearing loss.

Others?