Saturday, July 11, 2009

Passing the Plate: Take My Wife...Please Edition

My Fellow Comedists,

It is time to pass the plate again. Other religions ask you to donate money, but in Comedism we tithe jokes. So, dig deep and give to the worthiest of causes. In honor of TheWife's and my anniversary, let's do marriage jokes this week. Wedding, marriage, mother-in-law, divorce jokes, all fair game.

Some classics:

Groucho -- "Marriage is a fine institution, but who wants to live in an institution?

Rita Rudner -- "Men who wear earrings are particularly well-suited to marriage; they've bought jewelery and experienced pain."

Rodney Dangerfield -- "My wife likes to talk to me during sex. I wouldn't mind so much, but the long-distance bills are killing me."

Phyllis Diller -- "Marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight."

Henny Youngman -- "Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to."

Joan Rivers -- "The one thing women don't want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband."

Johnny Carson -- "I know you've been married to the same woman for 69 years. That is marvelous. It must be very inexpensive."

What are your favorites?

Live, love, and laugh,

Irreverend Steve